So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
