I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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