I just made out with a guy for $7.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
