i think my tv is drunk
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
