evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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