Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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