I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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