Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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