Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
