Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
