When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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