i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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