I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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