I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
