Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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