Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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