no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
