Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
