I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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