after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
