saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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