we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
