The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
