I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
