Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
