Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
is it fun? or sober?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
