Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
