and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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