Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
