he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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