The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
