Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
