I think my vagina is haunted
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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