i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he quoted the bible to break up with me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
