theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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