He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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