you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
