If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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