well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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