But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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