his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
