Where is the hickey?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We need to rekindle our bromance
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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