YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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