i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
