rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
