Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
