I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
