I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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