Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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