This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
